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Tracy's Online Blog on World Problems,Politics, Art and Social life...

Im happy to present my first real online Blog

May 31st 2013 , A great day to start a new way of diary

Well if you made it so far then then yay for you. So here im going to try to have my daily blog on where i will be writing about all sorts of things we see on the internet. And why would i do so? well its easy, instead of being a boring house wife and mom i decided that i would actually enjoy doing something positive in my life and trying to reach a Goal. Now in order for you to understand my Goal you must first get to know me. Now who am i?  My Name is Tracy Ann Yun. I am a currently 21 year old Mother and Wife, Former european Model, Make up artist and Hair dresser. Art has been a part of my life ever since i started going to school and i always took Art very seriously. Art can be everything. It has no limits and no rules. Their are no Tabu's. And no Plus points. There is no Extrem or Soft. And that's where this come's in place. I like Art. And i like every kind of possible way to present your words through Art. I do the same as well. May it be trying to tell something through my own photos that i take or may it be through photos taken of me. May it be expressed with words or just with silence. Its really dose not matter. On the other Hand i am very interested in Cultures, Human Beings and Political Science (which is one of my goals i will get to that in a minute). I have not been watching regular Tv for nearly 3 Years now (up until recently as i moved back to the states , but for my defense to watch the great show "The Young Turks" who i have been following for quite some time on www.youtube.com ),and yet i am very interested in Politics since quite sometime which made me start to get interested into Independent Jornalism., Youtube "reporters" and their politician commenter. And hearing all the different opinion's and arguments of each person and what they have to say about different kinds of "story's" and "report's" was fascinating  to me and i very quickly started for whatever odd reason to analyze these things i would read and the people who do such. Now im turning 22 this Summer and finally i have decided to start College and start studying Anthropology & Political Science. Yeah i know some have already critizied me on that " oh how can u study 2 diff thing at once bla bla bla ....", Well get over it its my thing and i decided to do it so i will do it! Now wow is this so important to me that i must publish such thing online and make a big thing about it? Well i suffer under a Social anxiety disorder and Post traumatic stress disorder because of things that had been done to me in the past that i will now not get all started on but u will read and find out piece for piece on what happend and how it all started. But for now my Goals are For sure getting into College, getting back on the track and trying to start a new life in WA after living in Germany for 13 years and i'm pretty damn proud about that!

For now! Aloha and u will read for me soon!!



xoxo 

Tracy aka Zombie Candy

Monday June 3rd 2013

So i havent been quite busy here the past few days, had alot of stuff to take care of but just to get back on track of what i was telling in the post before.I suffer under PTSD and Depressions. I had to go through multiple Trauma's in my life which made me to the person i am today. I have nightterrors, depressions, trigger moments, panic attack and social phobia which makes what i love to do most not always so easy for me. Many don't  really understand what i mean when i tell them that i am sick, and im not like there "normal"-friends and nor is it possible to do everything with me. After all what had happen it got to the point i had huge issue's trusting new people, old friends, family and co. the only person i truely have in my life is my husband. who is always by my side and there for me. and since i have a 2 year old daughter i want to make a change in my life and do something to prove my family and friends that even a "f*ck-up" like me is able to make changes in their life's. And for me listening to other People with the same or similar mental problems makes it almost impossible. every each and one of them have excuses for excuse for excuse. it never ends. Simple Quetion: why are you not in school? Answer: welll uggghhhhmmmm u know im sick and yeah i dont know id rather wait a lil get help get my self back up on my feet and then start deciding what i wanna study, but i dont know what i wanna study untill im back up on my feet which can take a while cause im not doing so good since a year and.... (it just keeps going on with no end, komma or dot). Everytime i hear these excuses from people who have no kids, who have enough money  and the oppertuinity to go for it (!), and yet they dont because of all their excuses and "PRoblems". Does it make me angry ? Yes. And i have the feeling now so far that these days everyone who has a mental " issue" , uses it for some lame ass excuse so they dont have to do something they like which makes me who really has a problem and is changing and starting new over and working for a better tmr, very very very angry. And yet many many many who know me personally or grew up with think im just full of shit or im looking for attetion because of the fact that so many people have "something" these days. But why? Why is that so? why do so many people desprately loook for some kinda problem on their selfs so they can literually start bragging around about it. why is that so? i fought so hard and so long to leave germany to be now back in WA after 13 years and for what? to meet so many who "have something". I have the feeling people have become sensitive , and thats why almost every 2nd personm i meet has PTSD or Depressions, or Borderline (which is funny cause those who are so open about their borderline give me he feeling or lets say imperssion that they are not very aware of what their "illness" means or what it actuelly is. Now to get this straight im not saying everyone with Borderline is like this but there are alot of these kind of people no matter what kind of "mental disorder".  For someone like me the "Internet" is a great way to interact with other human beeings, because of the fact i suffer under Social Phobia which does not really let me leave the house very often. now your wondering how do you model then? how are you gonna go to college? how do you take care of your child? Simple. there are different Forms of Soziopohbie Social Phobia . There is the extrem form of the people who havent left their homes for years ever. their are the kind like me who dont ever leave the house alone. i always must have someone with me. and by that no i do not mean my daughter i need a someone i trust who i know could help me no matter what.it sounds wierd i know and some may be thinking help u from what. thats the thing. u never know. and this is where my "mental Problem" comes forwards. im constantly scared something is going to happen. because so much has happend to me in the past (abuse, rape, molesting, psycho terror, forced abortion, fighting and beein attacked by the german government for nearly 2 years {have 80 pages of proof on that since i did end up fighting in court till i won but thats a other story}, protetuition, aclohol abuse, forced abortion, domestic violence ect.) that i always scared something is going to happen again soon which is really not easy. if you are always scared that something may happen soon u go nuts. easy simple explained. you go nuts. its drives u crazy, u get paranoid. u cant sleep. u cant eat. nothing. well at least thats how it is for me. its always different from case to case! so why am i complaining about other people bitching when im not better. cause i am better. i just made a huge step. my husband who is a solidier in the US Army just got stationed back to WA where we now live. Which was a huge step for me. I am originally from Washington State but i moved to Germany Jan 1st 2000 and had been there ever since. havent even visited the staes nothing. i lived 100 % civilian in Europe and it was incredable the past 13 years.  My husband and i met in germany because he was stationed there to the time. We married last year and now he had to go back to the US, and this is why i know im better then others in my Age.  I moved, left everything behind my family , home, very close friends my modeling career , just simply everything. Left all the bad behind and moved. was it easy? of course not. and its only been 2 months since im here and still its hard for me (especially not having our stuff still -.- ), i miss my friend and i even get "homesick" occasionally . But that is the thing that drags me down even more. What is really my home? Bellingham, Happenbach, Speicher or Saarbruecken? Is my home the US or Germany. Am i american or am i european? Who am i? And to me startinf rhose Questions is amazing, because i start to realize im not getting any younger (yes i know im only turning 22 soon but still i am allready married, have child, home and dog,i got to travel alot before i hadmy daughter and meet alot of people by working as model untill my disorder broke out 2 years ago,)but still its scary the thought. I now i start to wonder alot: Did i live my life? Am i ready to get super Grown up and Adult like? And if not how am i as a parent gonna suceed and how will i manage my roll as a mother, a figur to look up to, a person who is supposed to set an exsample to her daughter. and this is where it hit me. I may be only 21 at the moment. And still young and the world full of oppertuinitys. and yet still i have my mental problem that dosent make it quite easy. Now was i gonna be like "one of them" and just be straight misserable everyday , smoking, drawing, doing tattoos every now and then to make a few bucks of to the side and be that kind of exsample to my child? or was i gonna get up off my ass and change some stuff? Now understand im writing liek im all mighty and big but making this decision and going through this really wasent easy. And yet i finally made up my mind thank god. I choose i will not be like those who annoy me the most. i choose i will change. i will get up and start over. i am in a "new-old" country where no one knows me, where no one gives a damn about me and i dont even know if anyone ever will read this and i guess i as well simply just dont give a f*ck. But i know one thing is for sure, im changing my life, im changing my daughters future, im changing my health and diet and starting to loose weight finally after 2 years (!), and moving on. I kicked everyone out of my life who was bad, brought me down or even was truggers for my PTSD. And i cryed my eyes out forever doing all of this. and all of this wasent just done in one day its still in progress and im still working on it. I have my new home. My first car in my life ( A subaru stationwagon which i guess is super popular in WA cause i see alooot of those but mine is a piece of sh*t car haha but i love it! we bought it from a hippie chick who named the car Starla), so i will soon be finally for the first time gonna do my license {(!) FINALLY(!)} which is motivation then for be to get good in driving to start getting back into parttime modeling. Because Melody (my Daughter) will start Daycare/Kindergarden finally, so i Can start College which i decided finally to study Anthropology (why? cause i love human beeings and the different cultures of the world) and Political Science (again why? well i love politics. has kinda been my thing since im 15 so yeah whatever...) at the same time. Unfortenaly i had to find out that my husband will be leaving sometime soon on a deployment and it scares me alot. Cause i know i will have everything on my shoulders now. im alone in country that i didnt grew up in really , that i have no clue about anything how whatever works here, the fear something might happen to my husband (and yes itried not to mention this as first because of the fact im trying not to focus on that fear so i dont drive my self even more crazy then i allready am).... Now some might think well how does all of that craziness work with having a child. Just fine thank you very much. im very lucky melody is not one of those kids wo cry 24/7 or is rude or a lil brat or spoiled ect ect. Melody is easy going, dont get me wrong she is two so yes even she has her "terrible two's" and has her moments every now and then but seriously, who dosent have those at not matter what age?....Just saying....

So thing in that point are fine im not stressed out with her cause she has always been easy going never had sleep or food problems with her so thank freaking god!!!! Blessed with a great and smart and very bright kid! In fact if it were not for the litlle one i probally would have lost my sh*t a loooong freakin time ago. But im doing my thing making sure everything is everywhere and everyone has whatever it is that they need. so in the Wifey view no problems either. Cause i do get up out of bed everyday, clean the house the whole morning and do laundry, cook, take care of melody, go out behind the house everyday (been doing that now since a few weeks) with mel and the puppy , watch my "The Young Turks" show everyday s=to stay updated, check emails, try to stay in a daily contact with my friends even if its just sending them a stuipid cat picture or a heart to let them know im thinking of them and i havent forgotten them, getting everything nice and ready for my husband when he comes home everyday and he see's a clean lil happy girl, a nice home, good food and a happy family, a woman who looks horrible cause of the work haha! And still i have my shit together. Unlike sadly many i know.  To a new start. A new day. A better Tomorrow. And a Nice world. I am a Realist and a optemist. I im not gonna back down yet and give up on life. Still a little to young for that and i dont want my daughter ending up like me.  So that was my word for Monday. Aloha and see u next time ;)

Tracy xoxo

June 3rd 2013 Politics perfectly Explained!

So this morning like every morning i got up and watched "The young turks" l, have my coffee , ect. And i watch this Video on www. Youtube.com where Cenk is talking about what a amazing and great speech by  Lawrence Lessig and he is getting super excited and telling about how he explains this whole system in such a funny but honest way. so of course i get curious and want to know what the big fuss is about (because don't get me wrong im not super huge on speech's , but every once in awhile u do find someone who makes a very interesting point or has a very interesting topic to talk about. so i go on Youtube start typing "Lesterland Speech" and found it right away, start watching and was hooked right away.  Why well why don't you just read it for yourself:





Once upon a time, there was a place called Lesterland. Now Lesterland looks a lot like the United States. Like the United States, it has about 311 million people, and of that 311 million people, it turns out 144,000 are called Lester. If Matt's in the audience, I just borrowed that, I'll return it in a second, this character from your series. So 144,000 are called Lester, which means about .05 percent is named Lester. Now, Lesters in Lesterland have this extraordinary power. There are two elections every election cycle in Lesterland. One is called the general election. The other is called the Lester election. And in the general election, it's the citizens who get to vote, but in the Lester election, it's the Lesters who get to vote. And here's the trick. In order to run in the general election, you must do extremely well in the Lester election. You don't necessarily have to win, but you must do extremely well.​

Now, what can we say about democracy in Lesterland? What we can say, number one, as the Supreme Court said in Citizens United, that people have the ultimate influence over elected officials, because, after all, there is a general election, but only after the Lesters have had their way with the candidates who wish to run in the general election. And number two, obviously, this dependence upon the Lesters is going to produce a subtle, understated, we could say camouflaged, bending to keep the Lesters happy. Okay, so we have a democracy, no doubt, but it's dependent upon the Lesters and dependent upon the people. It has competing dependencies, we could say conflicting dependencies, depending upon who the Lesters are. Okay. That's Lesterland.

Now there are three things I want you to see now that I've described Lesterland. Number one, the United States is Lesterland. The United States is Lesterland. The United States also looks like this, also has two elections, one we called the general election, the second we should call the money election. In the general election, it's the citizens who get to vote, if you're over 18, in some states if you have an ID. In the money election, it's the funders who get to vote, the funders who get to vote, and just like in Lesterland, the trick is, to run in the general election, you must do extremely well in the money election. You don't necessarily have to win. There is Jerry Brown. But you must do extremely well. And here's the key: There are just as few relevant funders in USA-land as there are Lesters in Lesterland.

Now you say, really? Really .05 percent? Well, here are the numbers from 2010: .26 percent of America gave 200 dollars or more to any federal candidate, .05 percent gave the maximum amount to any federal candidate, .01 percent -- the one percent of the one percent -- gave 10,000 dollars or more to federal candidates, and in this election cycle, my favorite statistic is .000042 percent — for those of you doing the numbers, you know that's 132 Americans — gave 60 percent of the Super PAC money spent in the cycle we have just seen ending. So I'm just a lawyer, I look at this range of numbers, and I say it's fair for me to say it's .05 percent who are our relevant funders in America. In this sense, the funders are our Lesters.

Now, what can we say about this democracy in USA-land? Well, as the Supreme Court said in Citizens United, we could say, of course the people have the ultimate influence over the elected officials. We have a general election, but only after the funders have had their way with the candidates who wish to run in that general election. And number two, obviously, this dependence upon the funders produces a subtle, understated, camouflaged bending to keep the funders happy. Candidates for Congress and members of Congress spend between 30 and 70 percent of their time raising money to get back to Congress or to get their party back into power, and the question we need to ask is, what does it do to them, these humans, as they spend their time behind the telephone, calling people they've never met, but calling the tiniest slice of the one percent? As anyone would, as they do this, they develop a sixth sense, a constant awareness about how what they do might affect their ability to raise money. They become, in the words of "The X-Files," shape-shifters, as they constantly adjust their views in light of what they know will help them to raise money, not on issues one to 10, but on issues 11 to 1,000. Leslie Byrne, a Democrat from Virginia, describes that when she went to Congress, she was told by a colleague, "Always lean to the green." Then to clarify, she went on, "He was not an environmentalist." (Laughter)

So here too we have a democracy, a democracy dependent upon the funders and dependent upon the people, competing dependencies, possibly conflicting dependencies depending upon who the funders are.

Okay, the United States is Lesterland, point number one. Here's point number two. The United States is worse than Lesterland, worse than Lesterland because you can imagine in Lesterland if we Lesters got a letter from the government that said, "Hey, you get to pick who gets to run in the general election," we would think maybe of a kind of aristocracy of Lesters. You know, there are Lesters from every part of social society. There are rich Lesters, poor Lesters, black Lesters, white Lesters, not many women Lesters, but put that to the side for one second. We have Lesters from everywhere. We could think, "What could we do to make Lesterland better?" It's at least possible the Lesters would act for the good of Lesterland. But in our land, in this land, in USA-land, there are certainly some sweet Lesters out there, many of them in this room here today, but the vast majority of Lesters act for the Lesters, because the shifting coalitions that are comprising the .05 percent are not comprising it for the public interest. It's for their private interest. In this sense, the USA is worse than Lesterland.

And finally, point number three: Whatever one wants to say about Lesterland, against the background of its history, its traditions, in our land, in USA-land, Lesterland is a corruption, a corruption. Now, by corruption I don't mean brown paper bag cash secreted among members of Congress. I don't mean Rod Blagojevich sense of corruption. I don't mean any criminal act. The corruption I'm talking about is perfectly legal. It's a corruption relative to the framers' baseline for this republic. The framers gave us what they called a republic, but by a republic they meant a representative democracy, and by a representative democracy, they meant a government, as Madison put it in Federalist 52, that would have a branch that would be dependent upon the people alone.

So here's the model of government. They have the people and the government with this exclusive dependency, but the problem here is that Congress has evolved a different dependence, no longer a dependence upon the people alone, increasingly a dependence upon the funders. Now this is a dependence too, but it's different and conflicting from a dependence upon the people alone so long as the funders are not the people. This is a corruption.

Now, there's good news and bad news about this corruption. One bit of good news is that it's bipartisan, equal-opportunity corruption. It blocks the left on a whole range of issues that we on the left really care about. It blocks the right too, as it makes principled arguments of the right increasingly impossible. So the right wants smaller government. When Al Gore was Vice President, his team had an idea for deregulating a significant portion of the telecommunications industry. The chief policy man took this idea to Capitol Hill, and as he reported back to me, the response was, "Hell no! If we deregulate these guys, how are we going to raise money from them?"

This is a system that's designed to save the status quo, including the status quo of big and invasive government. It works against the left and the right, and that, you might say, is good news.

But here's the bad news. It's a pathological, democracy-destroying corruption, because in any system where the members are dependent upon the tiniest fraction of us for their election, that means the tiniest number of us, the tiniest, tiniest number of us, can block reform. I know that should have been, like, a rock or something. I can only find cheese. I'm sorry. So there it is. Block reform.

Because there is an economy here, an economy of influence, an economy with lobbyists at the center which feeds on polarization. It feeds on dysfunction. The worse that it is for us, the better that it is for this fundraising.

Henry David Thoreau: "There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root." This is the root.

Okay, now, every single one of you knows this. You couldn't be here if you didn't know this, yet you ignore it. You ignore it. This is an impossible problem. You focus on the possible problems, like eradicating polio from the world, or taking an image of every single street across the globe, or building the first real universal translator, or building a fusion factory in your garage. These are the manageable problems, so you ignore — (Laughter) (Applause) — so you ignore this corruption.

But we cannot ignore this corruption anymore. (Applause) We need a government that works. And not works for the left or the right, but works for the left and the right, the citizens of the left and right, because there is no sensible reform possible until we end this corruption. So I want you to take hold, to grab the issue you care the most about. Climate change is mine, but it might be financial reform or a simpler tax system or inequality. Grab that issue, sit it down in front of you, look straight in its eyes, and tell it there is no Christmas this year. There will never be a Christmas. We will never get your issue solved until we fix this issue first. So it's not that mine is the most important issue. It's not. Yours is the most important issue, but mine is the first issue, the issue we have to solve before we get to fix the issues you care about. No sensible reform, and we cannot afford a world, a future, with no sensible reform.

Okay. So how do we do it? Turns out, the analytics here are easy, simple. If the problem is members spending an extraordinary amount of time fundraising from the tiniest slice of America, the solution is to have them spend less time fundraising but fundraise from a wider slice of Americans, to spread it out, to spread the funder influence so that we restore the idea of dependence upon the people alone. And to do this does not require a constitutional amendment, changing the First Amendment. To do this would require a single statute, a statute establishing what we think of as small dollar funded elections, a statute of citizen-funded campaigns, and there's any number of these proposals out there: Fair Elections Now Act, the American Anti-Corruption Act, an idea in my book that I call the Grant and Franklin Project to give vouchers to people to fund elections, an idea of John Sarbanes called the Grassroots Democracy Act. Each of these would fix this corruption by spreading out the influence of funders to all of us.

The analytics are easy here. It's the politics that's hard, indeed impossibly hard, because this reform would shrink K Street, and Capitol Hill, as Congressman Jim Cooper, a Democrat from Tennessee, put it, has become a farm league for K Street, a farm league for K Street. Members and staffers and bureaucrats have an increasingly common business model in their head, a business model focused on their life after government, their life as lobbyists. Fifty percent of the Senate between 1998 and 2004 left to become lobbyists, 42 percent of the House. Those numbers have only gone up, and as United Republic calculated last April, the average increase in salary for those who they tracked was 1,452 percent. So it's fair to ask, how is it possible for them to change this? Now I get this skepticism.

I get this cynicism. I get this sense of impossibility. But I don't buy it. This is a solvable issue. If you think about the issues our parents tried to solve in the 20th century, issues like racism, or sexism, or the issue that we've been fighting in this century, homophobia, those are hard issues. You don't wake up one day no longer a racist. It takes generations to tear that intuition, that DNA, out of the soul of a people. But this is a problem of just incentives, just incentives. Change the incentives, and the behavior changes, and the states that have adopted small dollar funded systems have seen overnight a change in the practice. When Connecticut adopted this system, in the very first year, 78 percent of elected representatives gave up large contributions and took small contributions only. It's solvable, not by being a Democrat, not by being a Republican. It's solvable by being citizens, by being citizens, by being TEDizens. Because if you want to kickstart reform, look, I could kickstart reform at half the price of fixing energy policy, I could give you back a republic.

Okay. But even if you're not yet with me, even if you believe this is impossible, what the five years since I spoke at TED has taught me as I've spoken about this issue again and again is, even if you think it's impossible, that is irrelevant. Irrelevant. I spoke at Dartmouth once, and a woman stood up after I spoke, I write in my book, and she said to me, "Professor, you've convinced me this is hopeless. Hopeless. There's nothing we can do." When she said that, I scrambled. I tried to think, "How do I respond to that hopelessness? What is that sense of hopelessness?" And what hit me was an image of my six-year-old son. And I imagined a doctor coming to me and saying, "Your son has terminal brain cancer, and there's nothing you can do. Nothing you can do." So would I do nothing? Would I just sit there? Accept it? Okay, nothing I can do? I'm going off to build Google Glass. Of course not. I would do everything I could, and I would do everything I could because this is what love means, that the odds are irrelevant and that you do whatever the hell you can, the odds be damned. And then I saw the obvious link, because even we liberals love this country.

(Laughter)

And so when the pundits and the politicians say that change is impossible, what this love of country says back is, "That's just irrelevant." We lose something dear, something everyone in this room loves and cherishes, if we lose this republic, and so we act with everything we can to prove these pundits wrong.

So here's my question: Do you have that love? Do you have that love? Because if you do, then what the hell are you, what are the hell are we doing?

When Ben Franklin was carried from the constitutional convention in September of 1787, he was stopped in the street by a woman who said, "Mr. Franklin, what have you wrought?" Franklin said, "A republic, madam, if you can keep it." A republic. A representative democracy. A government dependent upon the people alone. We have lost that republic. All of us have to act to get it back.

Thank you very much.

(Applause) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Applause)





you can here watch the Speech on youtube.com : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw2z9lV3W1g

And i must say as someone who isnt very strong in the english language anymore this was just perfectly explained. And im sorry but even the dumbest idiot can understand what is going on after understanding this. And Lawrence Lessig makes the amazing point that its not impossible, Quote: I get this cynicism. I get this sense of impossibility. But I don't buy it. This is a solvable issue. If you think about the issues our parents tried to solve in the 20th century, issues like racism, or sexism, or the issue that we've been fighting in this century, homophobia, those are hard issues. You don't wake up one day no longer a racist. It takes generations to tear that intuition, that DNA, out of the soul of a people. But this is a problem of just incentives, just incentives. Change the incentives, and the behavior changes, and the states that have adopted small dollar funded systems have seen overnight a change in the practice...

And im sorry, but he is fucking right. Do you seriously think anyone from that time periode gave a fuck about if it was impossible or not? No they most certainly did not. Its time we the people get up and start changing the world. Its time we stand united no matter what race, no matter what skin color or nationality. its time we stand up and start a change in our system for a better future for our childern. I most certainly am not going to watch this country go down the way it is. I can not watch the childern of the future fail and not have the oppertuinity to have education which is happening now. This month June the Intrest rate for Students that got their Student Loan from the Government went from 3.4% up tp 6.8%. Is this right? No of course not and especially after the fact is clear and open out on the internet that our "beloved" banks only have a intrest rate of 0.75%. Seriously???? i mean common first off they can pay easily a rate of 3.4 % or 6.8% and their whole system wouldnt be screwed over. But students who want to learn and are willing to help change the future get so extremly F*cked over? Why on Earth would u guys do that? Some of you are going to think oh whatever or i dont care. yeah u will care as soon as u have ure own child. or something happens and u must start new in life. and what then? ure gonna seriously tell me ure gonna pay that kinda intrest rate without bitching one bit? thats what i thought. But that is not the only thing that is wrong with this country! No there is a hell lot more! We are killing our own citizens, ruining our country everyday more and more, childern beeing killed or childern raping childern or childern killing childern, men kidnapping women for 10 years ect. Everyday it seems to get worse and we are seriously going to watch the news everyday and just let that go by? I lived in Germany now for 13 years and came back to the US and was shocked on how much the Government really control's the human's in the US. You not allowed to Smoke Cigarettes in Public, No Alcohol after 2 am,  you cant even really drive fast on the highway/freeway ect, pot is leag but u can't do it in public, u get told how u can have sex ect ect. And im sorry i am a American Citizen but America is crazy. And all of this by some dudes who have alot of money? looong time ago we didnt even have money and we managed to survive. everytime i ask someone why do we have money and why is it important and no one really had a reasonable answer. No one could explain why. But really no one.My point is, we have to do something and we have to start right away like it or not! 





June 4th 2013: a funny way of life



So today i had my Doctors appoitnment that ive been wanting to do for quite a while. Since 8 months ive been in pain, can not sleep, barely eat, my hand and feet constantly are going numb to the point till they are like paralyzed and i can not move them.and thst is so horrible and scary i can tell u guys that for sure. now doctors and me assume its MS and since it runs in my family it wouldnt even be that suprising  and yet it scares me the thought to have MS.  Im scared to find out and iim scared of how the resualts may affect my life. will i be able to contuine to take care of melody?  How will this affect my marrige with ronnie? How will this affect my family and friends? 

Everyday it haunts me the thought may be having to give myself shots for the rest of life, waiting for my death, and having to see the sorrow of those that i love. Will i be able to deal with that kind of illness? 

we will have to wait and see what the resulats bring....

may it be positive  and nothing serious as MS...

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